Any news item about a suicide is sad but, sadly too, it's rarely that shocking. For those who harbour the inclination, (and T—a would appear to be one) suicide can actually be contagious. Not that many ever consciously think it through but, it is a kind of “if he/she can do it, then so can I" sort of thing. The people who are "inspired" to copy the suicide of another are the borderline cases. Many end their own lives simply because they have decided to do so. Others need some added external factor to make up their minds, to harden their resolve, and the suicide of someone they know well is one possible trigger that is sufficient to give them the little nudge that they need to go from suicidal ideation to suicidal action.
The negative effects of a suicide must be kept from spreading, however take care and stay alert: you may be dealing with someone from a family whose members are born with a genetic predisposition for self-destruction, which can express itself in different ways. For example, there are those who can’t kill themselves in one decisive act and so, choose instead some slow yet equally and inevitably fatal method, such as drinking themselves to death or, perhaps, neglecting to take care of themselves to such an extreme degree that their lifestyle is as ultimately fatal as a bullet. In order to contain and hopefully break that fatal cycle, involved survivors mustn't be allowed to feel responsible for the death in any way. The successful suicide is the one responsible for his/her own death and any "if only I had/hadn't such-and-such" thinking will only endanger other lives. “If only” thinking is pointless: whatever the imaginary "if" is thought to be, it is unlikely to have existed, at least in the form an outsider would imagine. It is next to impossible to try to second guess a deeply depressed mind. The internal landscape of a suicide-to-be is an alien world. Were it not so, someone close to whoever finally did blow out their own candle would have acted, we hope, on the basis of recognisable clues and thus prevented the tragedy.
I am not suggesting that anyone is obliged to let themselves be dragged down deep into the whirlpool of another's tragedies, for even empathy is best when practiced in moderation but, should hints surface in a conversation, message, letter or any form of personal communication, that someone, somehow, does feel guilty (that classic "survivor's guilt") over the self-inflicted death of, say, a sibling, lover, friend or mother (whosever suicide it was that put the depressive on that stony downward road which, once embarked upon, is bound to return repeatedly to a state of corrosive self-reflection), don't let the affected person spin alone in their decaying spiral down to doom: assume the rôle of the defender of the accused, which in any suicide scenario is Life itself. No "if's," "only's" or "maybe's." The survivor is not complicit in another’s homemade death. The survivor is basically a bystander, someone who suffered collateral damage and isn’t required to be an angel by anyone, with the possible exception of their own subconscious, which may well be in shock and wandering in the dark. No one living can carry the weight of expected perfection, an expectation that does not come from society but which is purely self-inflicted and driven by that ancient demon: Guilt. The survivor’s greatest enemy is their unfounded sense of guilt which must not be allowed to take root in their mind, because it grows especially well in the dark.
Over the years we have been putting together a Mental Healthcare System that is meant to be of assistance to those in need and, while we know it is still far from perfect, it is not staffed by incompetent, uncaring idiots. Those who find themselves under pressure should cry out for help, LOUDLY, and, while it may be the blackest of nights, flail about for a helping hand, regardless of where it might be coming from.…
(A reader’s comment: )
A lot of sense in that. Her mum died of cancer when she was quite young. Her mum's sister was a nurse, who had a stroke and, although she was recovering from it, they wouldn't let her go back to work. So she hung herself in the closet. At least one other person in her immediate family hung themselves as well. Her brother was a meth addict. She is bipolar and has a history of suicide attempts. Her gene pool seems to be a cesspool.
(Asking after the person behind the above pronouns: )
How is T—a doing? Is she still glued together? Given her family history, whoever is close to her should STAY close to her! They should also watch and listen to her very carefully, especially for the next few weeks. Anything out of the ordinary in her behaviour or in what she says needs to be paid attention to as well as any sign of an increase in her interest in things that are…well, morbid. Even if she had never shown signs of being self-destructive, that wouldn’t rule out the possibility that she may still be a carrier of such tendencies on a subconscious level. After such a series of losses, most anything is possible.
(In conclusion: )
Although it is a common enough reaction, there is no point in T—a getting mad at the dead. There isn't even any logic to it. Those people weren't attacking T—a personally, they had simply decided that enough was enough and that they wanted off of what they saw as the stupid carousel of their daily lives. I say, respect the decisions of the dead and let them go. Nobody mourns for the dead anyway: people mourn the loss of a relationship with someone now unreachable which, in other words, means that the living mourn for themselves.
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