Alarum! Alarum! O! The Day of Judgement must be nigh unto us!! I am cooking during DAYLIGHT HOURS!!
O, woe unto us! (I was just catering to a hankering for some roast chicken, I SWEAR that's all it was! Really! I didn't MEAN to trigger the End of Days but, just as I'm sliding the pan with the chicken parts on it into the oven, BRAAMMM!!! Suddenly the archangel Uriel is in my kitchen, dumping a bowl of some sort of lumpy liquid the colour of "sick" (the only word I know that even comes close!) out of my kitchen window and onto the lawn below! Fuck! If I hadn't been upwindward I'd'a DIED; it stunk worse'n Chicago in '68!! RrrgAH!! (sorry but just couldn't hold it no more.…)
Done with His dump, Uriel chucks the bowl up and far away, turns to me (I haven't even closed the oven door yet & the left side of my face is feelin' hotter'n Hell), says, "Better you than me, buddy. The stairs down there and then a left? Right; thanks. And if I were you, I'd get as far as I could from this place, and Fast!"
"Get out of the building?" Uriel just looks at me for a moment as if God had only recently created idiots and I was the first one He'd ever seen. Then He walks out and in about a minute I can barely hear angelic footsteps whisper down the stairs and out of Creation.…)
I closed the oven door.
No comments:
Post a Comment